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What is the Best Online Dating Site?

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This article has been a long time coming!! Beyond being asked this question a ton, I am always collecting data about the newest and best tools for meeting people. Right before “what online dating sites do your recommend?” is always “what do you think about online dating?”. If you are already sold on online dating and want to get right to the results skip down to Best Online Dating Sites of 2016 below.

 

Review of Online Dating

If I could tell you a place where tons of great singles hang out, wouldn’t you want to go? The greatest advantage of online dating is just that, a huge congregation of singles open and upfront about their single status, and often about what they are looking for too! Hooray, no spotting someone at the grocery store or coffee shop, with no ring on, wondering “but are they single….”

 

Downsides?

Sure there can be downsides to every strategy, but my main mantra here is What You Focus On You Find. If in the back of your mind you are wondering about/ expecting/ guarding against the creeps, liars and weirdos, you will inevitably find them, because what you focus on you find (that is just how the human brain works). In other words, if you are looking to be right about it being a waste of time, disastrous and risky, you will continue to gather evidence to support your theories. In that case, don’t put yourself through all that pain!

For those of you going online, or continuing to date online, the best way to create positive momentum is simply to concern yourself with finding the “good ones”. Of course there are tons of great people just like you, who are in fact looking for you as you read this. So when you are out there, in the world or online, hone in on the good ones and all the others fade into the background. Mindset is the determining factor in online dating. If your mindset is off (i.e. expecting disappointment) get it tweaked before chatting with anyone online.

 

My Confession

I didn’t do this. I had a crappy mindset online. I would start out excited and hopeful, sign up online and start connecting…. until I wasn’t impressed or blown away by the prospects (they weren’t wonderful human beings to me, just prospects…yuck I know) or until the few I was excited about didn’t get back to me. Then it was a stupid, part-time job I hated and quickly dreaded. No wonder I couldn’t wait for my membership to be up, I expected to be underwhelmed on the few dates I did have, and guess what, I always was. So I burned all my bridges with online dating for a long while, and matches became less and less, until I gave up on it entirely. And blamed online dating, “stupid thing never works”.

 

Mindset Fix

Once I got some brilliant coaching and I got to see how closed-minded I was, my heart was so open I didn’t even have time to sign up for speed dating and online dating again, before the love of my life showed up. A story for another time, because he was in my life for almost a year before he “showed up” as someone I could potentially date.

Bottom line: if you are resisting online dating, hate it, or don’t want to do it, than don’t. The worst thing in my experience is forcing yourself. However if this attitude persists, AND you are not meeting anyone “in real life”, than I’d highly recommend a mindset check-up.

 

Best Online Dating Sites of 2016

Yes, the whole reason you came here today! After lots of searching for a neat collection of all this data, as life would have it this 2016 Review crossed my desk! The Best Online Dating Sites of 2016 by reviews.com!! Thank you universe. It’s unbiased (as far as I can see, and I’ve done some digging), current and very comprehensive. Ding Ding Ding!!

My only concern is that based on their data collection techniques, they are really only commenting on online dating sites, not apps. And of course tons of singles are using apps just as much, if not more than, the traditional sites. However, coming from the research world myself, lets cut them some slack. The apps are not really releasing the same kind of data on usage that we currently have from the website platforms out there, and as researchers you can only measure with the data you have.

Given that it is a lengthy article let me point out some of the highlights, and by all means go check it out for yourself to find which sites feel the best for you, given your preferences, and goals. They prioritized for large user numbers as well as active members, and left out niche sites (based on geography, age, religious affiliation, same sex dating) so the results are for the average heterosexual dater out there.

Bottom Line……OKCupid #1

Doesn’t surprise me, I’d say this one is most popular with my clients. It’s free, super user-friendly, and based on this review had the highest scores for quality communication (read “I love biking too have you tried the Humber trail?” versus “Hi, how are you?”). One distinction I actually really love was how they categorized messages, take note gentleman because they were examining the traditional men approaching women with these opening messages. Besides the obvious “Bad Messages” being dick pics, harassing or scamming, there were also the following:

Bad Messages: 
● Extremely short: “Hi beautiful”
● Generic copy-and-paste: “I found many features of your profile interesting”
● A neg: “I like your big nose”
● Passive-aggressive or a guilt trip: “You probably won’t respond to this, but…”

Then there is the Mediocre Messages which I will quote directly, because it is so clear.

Mediocre Messages: 

● Suggestive, but not outright obscene
● Only talks about your physical appearance, but isn’t lascivious (overtly offensive & sexual)
● Impersonal, but starts a conversation: “Any plans for the weekend?”
● An attempt to be personal, but falls flat: “I see you like playing Scrabble! I like mountain biking.”

And of course what I love most is how they defined a Good quality message, especially because anyone can do this!! However, not surprisingly, there were WAY more Bad and Mediocre messages on all sites. Which means there is a HUGE opportunity out there for men to stand out.

Good Messages: 
● Mentions something you have in common
● Respectful
● Asks about something in your profile
● Talks about things that are specific to your profile that aren’t your physical appearance (I can’t say enough about this one, women want to know you are interested in way more than just their appearance. Like our appearance is just an added bonus, even though it is the number 1 factor that drew you in in the first place.)
● No glaring spelling or grammar errors
● Funny

TOP 4 Online Dating Sites

The top 4 that made it to in depth analysis we: OkCupid, Match, eHarmony & Plenty of Fish. Interesting to note that Match Group owns most of these (OkCupid, Match.com, Plenty of Fish), including Tinder, and many others. Check out all the details of the comparisons in the full article. Most Underwhelming……eHarmony. I totally agree with their bottom line recommendation “To get the best results, sign up for one of the big four sites and a smaller, targeted site too. Then, fill out your profile completely and send personalized messages like you’re the real person you are.”

Happy Dating and thank you Reviews.com for making online dating a little bit easier!

How to Attract Love Through Mindfulness

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By  Sebastian Harris / Global Seducer

What is mindfulness?

When you think about mindfulness you might think about meditation, yoga and new age hippies who are running around in the woods. You might even roll your eyes whenever you hear the word mindfulness, because you think that it’s just one of those buzzwords without a real meaning.

Well, for some people it might be nothing but a buzzword, but for me it has a deeper meaning and I hope this article will inspire you to think about its meaning.

For me the word mindfulness means love.

Yes, mindfulness has more to do with love than you probably think.

I honestly believe that a mindful person is more likely to meet and attract the woman of his dreams. Of course this principle is also true if you are a woman and you want to attract the man of your dreams, but due to the fact that I am a man, I write this article from my own point of view.

Thanks to becoming a mindful person I learned to attract love, to allow love and to give love. A couple of years ago all those things were completely alien to me. All I wanted was to enjoy my time with beautiful girls.

Deep connections, fulfilling relationships and sharing unforgettable moments were not on my agenda. This changed over the time. To be honest, it changed because I realized that being a mindful human being was my only chance to experience the relationships that I always dreamed of.

On my journey I learned what mindfulness actually means for your dating life, your personal development and your ability to attract love. Please allow me to share my insights with you in the following lines.

 

Become Aware of Who You are

Mindfulness allows you to become aware of the person you are. It allows you to look into the mirror and to actually see a human being with feelings, fears and hopes. In a time in which everyone is so obsessed with appearing perfect on Instagram, Facebook and all the other social media sites that only project a false illusion, this is already an accomplishment.

Mindfulness is a state of active and open attention to the present. While millions of people walk through life without knowing who they are, where they are going and what and who they actually want to attract, mindfulness allows you to figure those things out.

The process of figuring out who you are and who you want to become is the first step towards a fulfilling dating life. Now you have the power to look at yourself without putting on a mask, to analyze your strengths and weaknesses and to adjust your behavior until you are a man who is loved by yourself and by women.

 

See Her for Who She Is

What do most guys see when they look at a beautiful woman?

They either see a person who is less valuable than they are, or they see a person who is more valuable than they are.

The sad truth is that the majority of guys fall into one of two categories. They either show misogynistic tendencies that are the direct result of their failure to connect with women, or they show signs of neediness that result in the desire to put every woman on a pedestal that she doesn’t want to be on.

Mindfulness teaches you to do neither of that. A man who is mindful looks at a beautiful woman and sees her for who she really is. He sees a human being who has the same fears, the same desires and the same dreams as he has. He sees a human being who has the exact same value as he has.

This perception allows you to connect with women on a whole new level. Suddenly, you are both equal and you can connect with each other without manipulative power games.

 

See the Subtle Signals That Others Ignore

Most men are extremely bad at reading the subtle signals that women send out. Just the other day I was in a bar with a good friend who complained that he is a hopeless case and that he will never find the right girl.

In the very moment he said those words, I saw how two girls, one on the left side of the room and one on the right side of the room, were checking him out. A mindful man would have noticed the signs, but a man with a negative attitude and without awareness doesn’t have the ability to see what is so obvious.

Such a man is blind and will never attract the woman of his dreams. The sad truth is that he doesn’t see her when she walks past. That’s why it is so important to become a mindful man, to be in the moment and to develop the ability to see what she wants you to see.

 

Communicate With Your Heart

When I think back to the days before I learned how important mindfulness is, I feel sorry for all the girls who had to listen to my monologues. Back then I did what a lot of other guys do on dates. I talked a lot, but I didn’t communicate for one second.

The difference between talking and communicating is that talking is one-sided, whereas communicating is a way of connecting with another person. This is a big difference, especially when it comes to your ability to attract a woman who will eventually fall in love with you.

A man who is good at talking will talk about himself, about his job and about all his amazing characteristics. This might impress her for the first five minutes, but it doesn’t allow a deep connection.

A man who is able to communicate with his heart wants to use his words to get to know the person who he is with. He doesn’t care about whether or not he is impressive, because he knows that his ability to impress has nothing to do with the ability to attract love.

He knows that his willingness to find out more about the girl of his dreams and his desire to connect with her in this process is what makes her fall for him.

Sebastian Harris
CEO and Founder of Global Seducer

How To Find Out If A Guy Likes You

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By Nick Bastion / Vixen Daily

If you’ve ever been kept up at night, tossing and turning, wondering if a guy likes you or if you’re wasting your time…

Then I’m sure you’ve thought about how to figure it out – and whether there are signs that a guy likes you.

It turns out – the answer is a lot simpler than you might expect…

…but it’s also irrelevant when it comes to getting him interested in you.

In fact, obsessing over looking for the signs that a guy likes you or not will stand between you and the happiness you want – and wind up pushing men away in the long run.

However, before I get to that – I should answer your question first.

So here are the signs that a guy gives you when he likes you:

A guy who likes you will be around you as much as he can. He’ll treat you differently than the other people in his life, and he’ll put in the effort to spend time with you – even if he’s busy.

He’ll call and text you first, without you having to text him in order to set up plans with you. Then, when you do spend time together, he’ll really pay attention to what you have to say – and remember the things you tell him.

All these signs really have one thing in common – they are what people do for the people who are truly important to them in life.

If he’s interested in you – you’re going to be an important person to him – and therefore you’re going to be near the top of his list of priorities.

(Not AT the top necessarily, but certainly near it).

You also might notice another thing about all these signs: they’re really obvious when you look for them.

That’s because there’s one truth at the bottom of all this: men are simple.

He’s not going to drop clues that he’s interested in you like he’s inviting you to solve a mystery, and he’s CERTAINLY not going to be subtle about it.

Instead, he’s going to behave in quite obvious ways that tell you he’s interested in you. For example: treating you as an important person in his life, and behaving accordingly.

There’s a reason why so many women get confused about whether a guy likes them or not – it’s because those women don’t see the obvious signs that he likes her – so they assume that he’s trying to show his affection in secret, hidden ways.

The truth of the matter is, guys are simple, and if you don’t see the obvious signs that he likes you, it’s not because he’s hiding his feelings or giving you subtle hints… it’s because he’s not interested.

To a lot of women, this is too painful of a possibility to consider – so they try to invent all kinds of secret and subtle signals that men give off when they’re interested…

…only to wind up confused, anxious, and lost later, wondering how he truly feels about them.

Now, earlier I talked about how looking for “signs” will actually push a man away, and I want to elaborate on that.

Remember when I said men are simple? I really meant it. Men become interested in women for one reason: it feels good for him to be around her.

Men like being around things that make them feel good, and they don’t like being around things that make them feel bad. I said it was simple, right?

When a guy is around a woman who makes him feel good – he wants to be around her more. He craves her presence. And he goes out of his way to spend more and more time with her.

Sound familiar? It means he’s interested in her.

Of course, the converse also applies. If he doesn’t feel good when he hangs out with her, he’s going to avoid her, and never call or text her first, and he’s not going to be interested in her.

So obviously that begs the question – how do you make a guy feel good around you, and how do you avoid making a guy feel bad around you.

And the answer lies in one thing: your mood.

Your mood is going to control your entire interaction with him. You know how some people are just negative all the time – and it feels negative to hang out with them? You wind up feeling drained and tired after spending time with them – and it makes you want to avoid them altogether.

That’s all determined by mood. Their mood is negative, and it winds up draining your energy and making you feel bad.

On the other hand, the people who always seem to be in a good mood, who are generally positive and relaxed, and who are comfortable with themselves and with spending time with you – those people feel good to hang out with. You want to spend more time with them. You want to have more of them in your life.

It’s the same thing when it comes to men and dating. If you focus on keeping your mood positive, it’s going to feel good for him to be around you – and he’s going to want to be around you more.

However, if your mood is negative, the opposite will happen. It won’t feel good for him to be with you – so he’ll avoid spending time with you.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m not telling you to be “fake” or to fake your mood – because your mood can’t be faked. Your mood comes from how you truly feel in the privacy of your own mind – and that will always shine through, no matter how you’re behaving on the surface.

So how does this tie into looking for “signs” that he’s interested in you?

Well, if you’re looking for “signs”, it means you’re feeling anxious about how he feels about you. You’re uncertain of his feelings, and you’re worried about it, and you want more information so you can know the truth.

That anxious, worried, insecure mood is going to bubble to the surface of any interaction with him – and it’s going to poison the time you spend together.

This is especially true if you’re looking for “signs” he’s into you – that means you’re scrutinizing his behavior and combing it for clues – and he’s going to feel like he’s walking on eggshells! He’s going to feel totally uncomfortable, like he has to avoid doing or saying the “wrong” thing or you’ll be upset.

So what’s the answer? Instead of focusing on signs, focus on being as good a mood as possible. Let go of any expectations or plans or thoughts about the future and focus on the present instead. Don’t worry if he likes you or not – just assume that he does and do whatever will make you happiest in the moment.

When you’re comfortable, secure, and happy in the moment, he will be too. And that will feel good to him, which will make him want to be around you more and more, which will make him interested in you.

See how that works?

vixen-daily-logo Vixendaily.com is the only site out there that specializes in mind-reading quizzes, content and advice tailored to your particular needs.  It’s like having your own personal mentor guiding you through life’s challenges every step of the way!

It was founded by dating and relationship expert, Nick Bastion, who is the main contributor to the Love & Relationship Advice section of the site.

Unexpected Dating Tips Just for Men

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Finally something that is just for the Men!

Yes, you will often find me writing for the ladies, because I am, in fact, a lady 😉 and I get what it is like for them. But I love men! I love working with men who are dating, have questions and are looking for strategies that work.

I was recently featured among 60 love, dating & relationship experts for Elite Man Magazine, talking The Best Advice For Men. Such a thrill & an honour!

So much gold in this article I wanted to highlight some of my fav themes so you can check them out and read more if interested. All fall under what I would call “Things Every Man Should Know”, plus I’d love to hear from you which tips rocked your dating world.

Must Read Teasers:

1) Up your confidence approaching women and reduce anxiety or rejection with these tips. Dr Rhodes has the perfect thing to say to a women that isn’t so warm or kind in response to your approach, so that you can turn the tables, stay classy and walk away with even more confidence! In addition I’ll throw in the 3 second rule from Tim Ferriss. Once you see an attractive girl you’d like to approach, you must take action within 3 seconds. If you wait longer, you not only risk starring creepily for the whole night, but more importantly you psych yourself out & risk talking yourself out of it. You are ready! (Tip #3 by Dr. Jennifer Rhodes)

2) How to keep the spark alive in relationships 3 simple strategies. Emily shows you how women know you care (which is the key to our hearts by the way), as well as how to decrease her insecurities and have more sex & intimacy with you. I always say Never Stop Dating, its where all the fun & passion lives. (Tip #13 by Emily Hellman) The feminine loves & thrives from praise & reassurance! All. The. Time. It is never too much. From a mans perspective I like it even better Sebastian Harris (Tip #18) says “seduction never ends”.  The 9 second kiss! Need I say more? Clinical Sexologist Uta Demontis gives you all the goods in Tip #56.

3) Donald Trump, love or hate him, his business success tips actually map perfectly onto dating for men! The art of sealing the deal here is finding & keeping your ideal girl. I especially love Thinking Big, Maximizing Your Options and Know Your Market. For Cost Containment I’ll add in my own first date guideline: keep it to max. one hour (coffee, tea, ice cream) so you can get to know if you want to spend more time and know them better. This way you leave them wanting more. Nothing worse than a date that goes on for too long. (Tip #16 by Kristina Lynn)

4) Check out the play-by-play for how something small can produce massive results for increasing her desire for you from the awesome Kevin Alexander from Nice Guy Dating (Tip #24). For more with Kevin & I, check out the podcast where he interviews me on Harnessing Your True Masculine Power Through Love.

What is my advice you ask?

Forget playing it cool! Take a risk and show your interest. It is the key to triggering her interest in you. Often we don’t even consider dating men until we know they are interested in us. Doesn’t mean they aren’t attractive, or great catches, often they are!! But we feminine gals love being desired and pursued, and because of this, when we find out you are interested in us or think we are attractive, you instantly become a possible love interest for us! You instantly become more attractive, desirable & interesting, because you are interested in us. Plus, there is nothing sexier to us than a man willing to take a risk to win us over! Check out the article under Tip #10 for my specifics on what to say to communicate you are interested romantically, instead of falling into the ambiguous & dreaded “Friend Zone”.

Is it True Love? How You Can Tell If They’re The One?

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The age old, million dollar question: How do you know it is true love, and that he or she is the one for me?

For the person asking this question, the most annoying answer is “When it is the right person, you just…know.”

It’s annoying because the person asking the question clearly does not know. If they did, they wouldn’t ask the question. And so they are left with “Well if I don’t ‘just know’, then it means that this isn’t the person for me?

Not exactly helpful. For me, I went to Annie Lalla, NYC Love Coach and True Love expert, and I wanted to share her wisdom with you becuase it makes such great sense! Continue reading

Dating and Getting it Right!

By Comments Off on Dating and Getting it Right!

-Discover what he/she really wants and what will really get her/his attention

-Decode the mixed messages men and women send each other

-Uncover what makes dating fun & easy versus hard & stressful

-Explore when is the right time to take things to the next level

-Interact with others, laughing, sharing and learning what works

———————————-

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Where: Chalkers Pub located at 247 Marlee Ave., Toronto. Click here for directions.
Tickets: $10 at the door

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